i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
