he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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