just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
