wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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