chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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