is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
