So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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