How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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