Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
how drunk are you?
Several
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
