apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
