i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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