Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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