..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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