Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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