do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
