i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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