sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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