Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
