is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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