i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
