he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
