I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
