wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
