its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
