my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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