Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
