the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
