do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
