you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
