Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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