I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
