dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
