im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are the jesus of drinking
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
