I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
