I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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