you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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