he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
