I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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