i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
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Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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