Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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