You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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