Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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