My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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