Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
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if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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