I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize