He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
