am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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