I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think my moral compass just broke
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
