My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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