i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
