Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
