it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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