I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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