he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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