obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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