So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
