okay pat passed out under dana's car
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
