There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
