I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As shirtless as possible
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
