you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize